I Caved

My mother joined me in Medellín for three weeks to get some dental work done. On not two but three separate occasions, someone asked me if she was my older sister. Three times. I brushed it off each time with a casual, “No (side chuckle) ella es mi mama”, English version “Nope, that’s my mother.”

But the repetitive inner monologue, you know that conversation we all have going on in our heads at any given moment, was a completely different story.

“Does she really look that young or do I look fudging old?” “Oh God, I need to sleep more. Hell, I need to sleep period.” “I need to take care of my skin.”

Thoughts took a life of their own. Especially each time I remembered the first lady that asked the question. I mean her face was in utter disbelief. No joke.

For the longest time, my mother had nudged me to try Dermapen microneedling. I always brushed it off as an unnecessary expense. It’s not cheap in NY, running from $199 on a sale up to $700 bucks. Regardless, she’s been doing it for years. But my mother is also quite vain; her identity is genuinely tied to her looks (I’m not exaggerating in the slightest). My grandmother used to joke about it and once called her Narcissus. Need I say more?

She’ll turn 71 in November, yet the woman looks fantastic and a solid ten years younger. Still, nobody wants to be asked if their mother is their sister. Yeesh! I felt like Barbra Streisand in The Mirror Has Two Faces. That younger self with the low self-esteem felt the sting.

So. I finally caved.

Transparency Price Gap

I went down the rabbit hole of searching for clinics that listed prices online. Mostly unproductive because most med spas in Medellín don’t list them. Heaven forbid anyone be transparent upfront. My unoriginal theory? They don’t list prices so they can charge whatever they want, based on who they’re selling to (More on that in part 2 of this story).

After what felt like an eternity of searching, I noticed quite a few businesses in Medellín operate primarily through Instagram, with no formal website. Then finally, aha! Victory is mine I found a med spa with an actual site and price list. Treatment price: 250,000 Colombian pesos (roughly $70 US). Bonus! What a steal. Appointment made. Done. Let’s go.

Clocked

Let me reiterate: I am Colombian, and my Spanish is pretty good. Yet here in Medellín, they can tell I am not a local. Natives have a distinct accent, and they are slightly more formal. Colombia is one of those countries where each Departamento (like states in the U.S.) has its own accent, sayings, and mannerisms.

I get clocked instantly. Honestly, they probably spot me before I speak: clothes, hair, or my facial expression as I wander a store. I am clearly from here and clearly not from here at the same time. One of the first questions I get from every Uber driver, “Where are you from?”

Why do I mention this, you ask?

While I was laying in the treatment bed, the lady said something about an ampoule (serum) that would be great, and the price was 350,000 pesos. I thought to myself, “Did I hear that correctly?” Maybe she made a mistake. I found myself going through the list I read online, but as per usual, I doubted my recollection. I literally was not sure if I missed something. What in the world was she charging an extra 100,000 pesos for?

Then came the question, “So where are you from? I can tell you are not from here.” I went on a rant about my life and experiences in Medellín thus far, shared a few stories, and forgot about the new price of the treatment.

At checkout, I showed her my phone and explained that I had seen a lower price online. She got defensive and replied, “I told you the price at the beginning,” but never explained the discrepancy. But why get defensive when I pointed out the price I had seen on their website? I let it go. At that point, I just wanted to be done.

I pulled out my debit card and she said, “Oh, do you have cash? We get charged about 12,000 pesos when we swipe a card.” I told her that I only had 100,000 in cash and could give her that if it helped, and she could charge 250,000 to my debit card. Oh, and there was not receipt. She said the machine they used now did not populate paper receipts. This part annoys me whenever I hear it.

What does this lady do? She charged me the extra 12,000 pesos and didn’t even tell me. I found out when I got back to the hotel and checked my account later that afternoon. The final price of my treatment was 362,000 pesos, which is around 101 US dollars. Don’t get me wrong, it is still a good deal, but it is not the price advertised on their site. By the way, the treatment included a cleaning, anesthetic cream, Dermapen, a serum of some type, and a mask as per the site. First timers, don’t expect miracles after only one treatment, but your skin will look slightly better overall.

Navigating The Foreigner Tax

Welcome to what I like to call the foreigner tax fee, that quiet, unofficial premium that kicks in the moment some people discover you’re not from around here. It doesn’t matter if you’re from New York, Berlin, or Amsterdam. In some places, you will get what some call here “the Gringo price.” Yep, I know you have probably heard this before.

Consider yourself warned: when in Medellín, always ask for a price via WhatsApp before heading to a treatment and get confirmation on arrival. Remember to ask if they charge a fee if you pay by credit or debit card (not all places do). Make a point to screenshot the advertised price if needed and get clarification before you get anything done.